On timing: When to arrive for a BDSM session with a Dominatrix

Domestic Service: one sub’s account
April 3, 2018
Curious Cat
June 13, 2018

On timing: When to arrive for a BDSM session with a Dominatrix

When you’re going to visit a Dominatrix the golden rule regarding timing is to be on time!

All of these notes and tips are from my own experience and observations. Different Dominatrices will have different policies regarding time, so of course I don’t speak for everyone here, but you won’t go wrong following these rules.

Do not arrive early
It’s not like visiting the doctors, many venues don’t have a waiting area for you to sit in so you are likely to be in the Dommes company from the moment you arrive.

A lot of pro-dommes hire dungeons. Different establishments have different rules about how long before a session a Dominatrix may arrive, sometimes they will have 20 minutes to get settled in, sometime they only arrive 5 minutes before your booking, so by arriving early you’re not giving your Domme time to get settled into the space and prepare for your session.

Even if the venue belongs to the Dominatrix or you are visiting her home, it still takes time to prepare. Dominatrices generally prepare before you arrive by reading through your emails, laying out toys, setting up lighting/kit in the venue, dressing and applying make-up. There’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes, if you arrive early and disrupt this you are unlikely to have the best session.

Dominatrices are busy people, whether they do multiples sessions in a day, or have another job or responsibilities outside of sessioning, we rarely have time to kill and are generally plan to be ready to see you at the time you have agreed, not before.

It’s just rude, arriving early will set of alarm bells that you are going to be a boundary pusher in other areas. If you don’t respect this very simple rule before even arriving, what else will you not respect?

If you pay for 2 hours, you get 2 hours of that persons time. Paying for 2 hours does not mean you arrive 10 minutes before to negotiate so you can start play bang on starting time. Every Dominatrix is different, but in most cases negotiation is part of that 2 hour agreement. If you know you like speaking for a while first, simply book and pay for a longer session. If a Dominatrix decides she wants to give you more time for whatever reason that is her choice and will be at the end of the session, not by your chosing at the beginning.

I understand that BDSM sessions are expensive and you want to get the most for your money, but the way you will do this is by arriving at your appointed time and not disrupting the Domme in her preparations for you.

 

Do not arrive late
Arriving late is only marginally less annoying than arriving early. No-one likes to left sitting waiting, and arriving late will likely mean you arrive to a frustrated Domme. And no, it’s not going to be that fantasy you have of a Domme being angry with you hence more severe, it’s going to be a Domme who you’ve been disrespectful towards and who feels less interest in giving you the fantastic session you desire. Arriving late makes us question how serious you are about what we’re about to do, it is simply rude.

Sometimes situations happen that can’t be prevented, transport issues or being held up at work. In this case a quick message letting your Domme know what has happened and when you expect to arrive will go a long way.

Understand that by running late you are wasting your time and money. Most Dommes will not let you run over by however long you have been late for, so if you arrive 30 minutes late for a 2 hour session you will only get a 1.5 hour session, but still be (most likely) expected to pay for 2 hours. After all it’s your own fault you were late.

Dommes have good reasons for not letting you overrun if you’re late. If they’re renting a dungeon they will have a finish time to get out by, they might have another client arriving, kids to look after, dinner plans with friends. Coming back to the earlier point, we are busy people and generally don’t have time to burn.

If your Domme does offer to extend be very grateful, she is doing you a favour, a gift or tip in recognition of this will go a long way.

 

Arrive on time
There are some tricks to making sure you arrive bang on time.

Firstly plan ahead. Check Google maps for journey times (make sure you put in the correct time of day as transport times can vary widely at different times of day). Check Google street view so you know what the building you are heading towards looks like.

Next plan to arrive at your location around 15-30 minutes before your booking (I know I just said don’t be early, stay with me here). This extra time will generally be long enough to compensate for any unforeseen transport issues. When you arrive find the door, then just keep walking. This way you know where you are going to come back to. Do not linger outside! This will draw attention to the premises and most dungeons do not want neighbours asking questions.

Go and grab a coffee somewhere nearby (not a pint, don’t arrive intoxicated unless previously agreed), or walk around the area, look in local shops, find a park to sit in, sit in the car and answer emails. Do anything to pass time until your booking that doesn’t involve lingering outside looking dodgy.

Press the doorbell at exactly the time agreed and be greeted by a Dominatrix who is happy you’ve respected her time.

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sissy_maid_melody
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Great advice for the keen sub. Punctuality is an essential skill in all walks of life. Arriving early puts people off their stride, be it a business meeting or seeing a domme. It’s common courtesy, which many now seem to forget. One important thing not mentioned here is discretion for other clients. Would a sub be happy if the next client arrived before they’d left ? No ? Then don’t be potentially discourteous to the previous client. Personally, there’s only one domme I see in various locations. I have to allow large buffers for timing in case of traffic problems.… Read more »